Lose control through drugs

I don’t want to ever do any drugs, or alcohol, or anything that makes me lose my conscious… I mean come on, just think about it, except when I’m sleeping, I’ve never had a moment in my life in which I didn’t know what was going on, like being unconscious, except in third grade, when I fainted due to dehydration…

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It was a sunny day, I was standing in the ground of our school for the result ceremony, in the line of my class, and everybody was singing the national anthem, suddenly I started feeling dizzy and the next moment, I woke up, I was on the ground, and I opened my eyes to many heads peering down at me, I think I was out only for a few minutes because soon after the PT sir came and picked me up and grabbed me so tight from the arm and took me to the doctor’s room, they gave me glucose dissolved in water and told me to rest.

Other than that, I have never been unconscious in my whole life, I can’t even imagine having a fragment of memory which is blank, something from my life I can’t recall…

Someone like me, who’s always in control, or believes that mostly, can never imagine losing control… and so I just won’t ever do it.

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Drugs cause memory loss and other things I can’t remember…

I have a good memory, and I remember almost everything, if not everything then yeah, a lot of things, and some time gap, or memory gap due to drugs, I’d never want anything like that…

It’s scary too, I feel like I have all these things in my head, that I don’t want anyone to know, truly opening myself to someone is something I consider very big of a move, people always betray you, always, you can’t let them know whats ‘actually’ inside your head, too risky

I feel like I just can’t lose control of myself and say stuff the way it is in my head, I feel like I got too much and too many things I don’t want anybody to know, all the while I’m an open book but I only tell people things when it is convenient for me, I don’t hide things, but I don’t completely share everything either.

AND so, sometimes I think, if I ever got drunk, the things I would say, ohhh it’d totally be news to every non-interested person around me, the secrets of me, they’re interesting ones.

I mean I imagine this sometimes when I feel burdened, I always have a hard time conveying how I feel, mainly because of my introvert nature, I want to keep it all to myself, but sometimes I end up wishing that I would just get drunk and tell somebody whatever I feel, no secrets no boundaries, just raw stuff spouting, and then well yeah, one of the big fears is facing somebody after the tantrum u throw by something you say, but being drugged, I don’t think I would have that fear, and it would be like as if I just skipped to the part where I face the consequences…

It wouldn’t be much of a big deal, the consequences I mean, ‘cause things don’t really surprise me, they’re more predictable and boring, what’s interesting is how I feel afterward or my reaction to certain happenings, and people’s reaction to ‘em, that’s the only interesting thing…

I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.

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So yeah, the consequences I’d manage, the middle part, done by drugs… that’s the only thing I’d look forward to if I ever did get the want to do drugs, it’d be because of this…

But for me, drugs have never been an option, by now I’m used to keeping to the imaginary part(where I imagine if I can just get drunk and do this), but I end it in my head and then just deal with things in my own way afterward… So, drugs are just a doofis and a dumb dream.

Those are my own thoughts, but the thing is, not that I am implying my own ideals on other people too, but I hate people who do drugs. mainly because I don’t feel safe around such kind of people… because I feel like those kinds of people are potentially harmful (if not physically, then verbally, and
if not apparently then deeply, yeah they might be) considering they lose control over themselves, and no matter how diluted the drug, it’s still effective.

Whether you sniff it smoke it eat it or shove it up your a** the result is the same: addiction.

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I still feel grossed out by drug-addicted people.If my memory serves me right, I’ve had my share of bad times, and I know, sometimes there’s just no explanation, no explicable reason for why people do it, they just do, but still, it’s hard to accept for me i.e people who do drugs as a part of my company…

People are strange . . .

Though if I do meet those people, I don’t judge… and I don’t openly share my strong contradiction towards their doings, unless its someone close to me, in that case, I don’t hesitate to be blunt and let them know.

Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self esteem

Well, drugs can really mess you up, in ways you can’t even imagine, so before taking such steps, please think long and deep, and make sure you know what your doing and exactly what it means to do the drug and you accept to lose, giving it the control over you and let it decide your actions rather than yourself.

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